Hiding In Plain Sight:
The Ever Expanding Realization
Of The Sexual Abuse Of Males
Mic Hunter, Psy.D.
“Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.”
Bernard Shaw
The Bad Old Days
In 1989 when I tried to find a publisher for a manuscript titled The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse I was informed by dozens of publishers that it was unreasonable to expect them to publish a book on the sexual abuse of boys because boys are almost never victims of sexual abuse, that even when it does occur it doesn’t harm them significantly, and those rare few who are harmed can’t be helped. When I finally found an editor who believed in the project she told me my proposed title, The Neglected Victims Of Sexual Abuse, would have to be changed to Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse because sexually abused boys were so neglected at the time that without the new title nobody would have any idea what the book was about.
In the preface I wrote, “This year, as in every year, tens of thousands of boys will be sexually abused in the United States. They will be damaged physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Every aspect of their lives will be affected. When they become adults they will be plagued with sexual dysfunctions, trouble relationships, a poor sense of self-worth, and intimacy difficulties. Many will become drug addicts. Some will destroy themselves. Most of them will suffer from the effects of sexual abuse without ever realizing that they were victimized. When they read books or hear programs about sexual abuse they probably will not hear about male victims. They will call what happened to them many things, but rarely will they think of themselves as victims. To add to this tragedy, those who seek professional help from mental health centers, treatment programs, and therapists will often be misdiagnosed: the symptoms of sexual abuse may be treated but not the underlying cause. The stereotypes and myths that surround sexual abuse and male will prevent them from getting adequate help. Victimized as boys, they will be neglected as men.”
A quarter of a century later I am happy to write what was once a taboos topic-the sexual abuse of boys-has become common knowledge. Thanks to media reports on abuse of boys by clergy, coaches, and teachers the general public has learned that boys can be, and are, victims of sexual abuse. Whereas in the past men came into therapy, not only unaware how the childhood sexual abuse they experienced was affecting their current functioning, but not even identifying what happened to them as abuse, it is now common for men to come therapy already with an understanding that they were abused and that it had a negative impact on them. As a society we have come to the realization that women, not just men, commit sex crimes against children. There are now many books about sexually abused males, as well as well-established organizations committed to assisting males with a history of sexual abuse.
Still Much To Be Done
What we once thought rare we now realize is much too common. In the 1980’s it was estimated that between two and eight percent of boys experienced sexual abuse. Current research indicates one in six boys are sexually abused before they are adults. The Internet makes child pornography much more widely available than in the past, and makes long distance solicitation of children for sex easier than in the past.
Here We Go Again
Although we have certainly made progress on the issue of sexually abused boys, the issue of men as victims of sexual abuse has not advanced as much. It wasn’t until 2012 that the Federal Bureau of Investigation included the sexual assault of men in its crime figures. Currently between five and ten percent of reported sexual assault involve a male as a victim. The crucial word in that sentence is, “reported,” because the crime of sexual assault in general is under-reported, and when the victim is a man even more so. In his book, Male On Male Rape: the Hidden Toll Of Stigma And Shame, Michael Scarce observed: “We can easily believe that a child might not be able to defend himself against an adult, but the sexual violation of a man may come as something of a shock, for men have traditionally been expected to defend their own boundaries and limits while maintaining control, especially sexual control, of their own bodies. When this does not occur, when other men rape men, society tends to silence and erase them rather than acknowledge the vulnerability of masculinity and manhood.”
In 2006 when I contacted fifty publishers with Honor Betrayed: Sexual Abuse in America’s Military I was informed I was being unreasonable because the sexual abuse of military personnel by their comrades is rare, when it does occur only women are victimized, in the rare cases that a male is the victim he is a homosexual and shouldn’t have been in the military in the first place, and that military personnel who are sexually assault aren’t damaged to the degree civilians are harmed. However, by 2013 it had become painfully clear that sexual assault in the military does occur, is perpetrated against both men and women, and is damaging. Research indicates that at least ten percent of male veterans were sexually assaulted while serving, and it was so traumatic that half of them experience they left the military.
Here We Go Again-Again
In 2014 the topic of sexual assault on college campuses began to be addressed in the media. In almost all cases when males were mentioned it was only as perpetrators, not as someone who was at risk of being victimized. Experts were interviewed and advised parents to warn their daughters about the risks of sexual assault, and to discuss with their sons how to avoid being falsely accused of date rape, but the topic of males being sexually assaulted was absent from the discussion. The sexual assault of young males continues to be overlooked and minimized, particularly when it occurs as a part of hazing conducted by sports teams and fraternities. What would be considered a criminal assault if perpetrated by a stranger is explained away as nothing more than a harmless tradition when committed by teammates or fraternity brothers.
Conclusion
In my lifetime I have witnessed significant changes in the way the sexual abuse of males as been understood. Much progress has been made, yet much is left to be done. But I am confident that we have reached the point of no return; no longer will the abuse of boys and men be ignored. The fact that you are reading these words is proof of that.
“If you stick to any opinion long enough,
it becomes respectable.”
Bertrand Russell
About The Author
Dr. Mic Hunter has held Minnesota licenses as a Psychologist, and Marriage & Family Therapist, and as an Alcohol & Drug Counselor. In addition to articles, Mic is the author, co-author, or editor of numerous books including:
Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse,
Honor Betrayed: Sexual Abuse In America’s Military,
Joyous Sexuality: Healing From The Effects Of Family Sexual Dysfunction,
Child Victims & Perpetrators Of Sexual Abuse,
Adult Survivors Of Sexual Abuse: Treatment Innovations,
The Sexually Abused Male Volumes I & II,
The Ethical Use of Touch in Psychotherapy,
Back To The Source: The Spiritual Principles Of Jesus, and,
Conscious Contact: The 12 Steps As Prayer.
He is a recipient of the Fay Honey Knopp Memorial Award, given by the National Organization on Male Sexual Victimization, "For recognition of his contributions to the field of male sexual victimization treatment and knowledge." In 2007 the Board of Directors of Male Survivor announced the creation of The Mic Hunter Award For Research Advances. Dr. Hunter, for whom the on-going award was named, became the first recipient. It was given to him for his, “ceaseless pursuit of knowledge about male sexual abuse in all its occurrences, of the eloquent dissemination of new knowledge in this area, and of the stimulation for further study and concern about revealing, treating and preventing male sexual abuse.”
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